我有的选?

今天发生了许多奇怪但又并非重要事情,以至于我必须记下来。

说实话,我和前女友分手的时候并不知道她是不是渣女,实际上现在的我也不太确定,但我不想去确定,因为我的确不喜欢她了,并且我真的不快乐。

在感情问题上,我是个优柔寡断的人,一直会忍到自己快撑不住才会说出来。分手前的几天,我脑子里却始终非常奇怪地浮现着我高三时喜欢的校花,当然她那时候并不认识我。

模糊的记忆里,我是毕业后通过人人网或是QQ让她认识我的,当然这也并不重要。初次和她约会的时间已经不记得具体是什么时候,大概是我大学毕业以后,那时候年少轻狂,浮躁不堪。高中校花真的很好,面对这样的我还愿意见我两次,现在想来,自己真的蠢,不懂珍惜。

也许高中校花的好,都是我臆想出的,并不真实,或者说我其实并不了解她。但总而言之,高中校花后来是不理我了。当我针扎在要不要和前女友分手的边缘时,脑海里突然浮现出高中校花的样子,一个声音在问我,你身边这个女人和高中校花你愿意娶谁?我毫不犹豫地回答,高中校花。

高中校花今天被求婚了,我在朋友圈看到她难得发了两张照片,一张无名指戴着钻戒。当然主角不是我,都说过了,高中校花早就不理我了,只是我很奇怪她干嘛不直接把我微信删掉?

如果说,六七年前,我选择追她,喜欢她,珍惜她,娶她的人会不会是我?一个选择会引发多少蝴蝶效应?我还会有如今的事业吗?我是成功的还是失败的呢?我现在都无法评判自己是成功还是失败。我富裕吗?我事业有成吗?我有一个健康的朋友圈吗?我不知道,甚至不敢说。但我知道的是,那时的我不会珍惜她,因为那时的我看得太少,经历得太少,还是个年少轻狂的小子。

可能我现在依然是个年少轻狂的小子吧。

今天晚上和一个美丽的女生约会,吃了精致的晚餐,喝了酒,微醺后,看了场电影。电影提到了蝴蝶效应。散场后,我想我应该可以带她回家,可我没有这么做,这是选择。我打车去见了我认为我很好的朋友们,而实际上可能他们并没有把我当成很好的朋友,这我其实心里很清楚。他们邀我一起去吃宵夜,我没有跟着去,而是打车回了家,这也是选择。

我每一天都在做选择,我到底是否有的选?还是这些都是命?

昨天看到大学时期认识的一个女生发朋友圈,非常好看的女孩子,当时嫌弃别人的学历,觉得只是个花瓶,把她拒绝了。现在的她却非常努力,离开成都,回了老家创业。要是当时选择和她在一起,她还会是现在的她吗?她会是在大城市还是在二三线城市生活呢?

我开始害怕做选择,买房还是投资?中国不动产真的保值吗?股票什么时候涨什么时候跌?创业吗?做生意吗?还是踏踏实实老老实实地在国企混一辈子?我有的选吗?

我想遇到一个人,我无比珍惜,她教会我许多事情,告诉我一直不懂的道理,她美丽而又善良,聪明而又独立,她很爱我,我也很爱她。

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